Dealing with Loss

Dealing with Loss

There are different types of loss – loss of jewellery, loss of friendship, loss of a business deal, loss of your home, or loss of a relationship. Then there is loss through death which may be sudden, gradual, unexpected and expected.  Even if expected the grief is unbearable as the loss rips your heart out and you feel yourself howling aloud or silently in your Soul.  Death is a very brutal friend as it waves its Sword of Death in a final sweep that severs the lifeline and the life of the person or animal.  Death can be from dis-ease, accident, suicide, war, natural disaster, house fire, stormy sea, wind, land slides, thunder and lightening, etc.

Death brings very painful challenges and feelings of overwhelm to those left alive. You grieve the lost of your child, the loss of your dog, the loss of your fish.  You journey to the dark recess of your soul and your sit in the Underground of pain, and slip into the underworld of extreme darkness and despair.  We feel alone, isolated, abandoned, lonely. How do we carry on when we feel all is lost? We change our paradigm.

The departed animal or person has simply swapped ‘bodies’ and moved from the one you can see to the one you cannot see. You can still feel them in your heart and you may even feel them around you. For example you may feel a breeze on your neck, you may see a flash of light, you may smell a beautiful fragrance, and you may feel you arms are being touched. There is no one there physically, put you know someone is there with you. The departed are communicating with us from a higher realm of consciousness, offering comfort, support and insights.

Did you know that loss can help improve your psychic powers? and help you heal your pain? Did you know that the pain you feel could be the pain from deep before this lifetime?  One of the greatest way to connect with the other side is to have a crystal skull.  The first crystal skull I bought coincided with the death of my father and my baby in my tummy, which I buried in the ground.  I never bought a crystal skull after that, for a while!  For me, the most painful loss has been loss of a living person.

Crystals give comfort in times of loss and have been known to help with communication with the other side. Red Jasper is very good for grounding and releasing the pain of loss. Amethyst encourages communication with the departed Soul. Black Jet cleans and protects you from the negative effects and fundamental darkness you may experience. Snowy Quartz creates a clear pathway of communication while Howlite cries for you.

Grief can take a day, a week, a month, a year or years.  It has its own personal rhythm for each person. No one size fits all. I cried everyday for 10 years and no one knew. I was not able to talk about it for years.  Luckily only in the first three months was I ever aggressive to my friends who bought my candles!!! Charming. Death and Grieving changes your personality.  There is a whole new tree of emotions and behaviours which comes with its own thinking and communication pattern. Mine was awesome!!!! hahahaha Not funny.

Watching a parent deteriorate is a form of Loss – deep loss as you adjust to the parent becoming a ‘child’ again, loosing the faculty of the mind with the dis-ease of dementia, Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s.  Both the elder and the children are affected by the loss. There is a denial or refusal to accept it is happening in the family. There is the stigma. This loss is like a death too. An aspect of a person is dying and no longer returning e.g. lack of memory, parent accusing the children of stealing as unreasonable suspicious arise from nowhere, hallucinations, etc.

A good crystal to help, I find, is a palm crystal, known as a worry crystal. You can hold it in your hands and rob it with your thumb; and rob all your anxiety or worry into the palm crystal asking it to taken away whatever negative emotion you are feeling. Sometimes the simple act of holding something in your hand is a comforter and a protector, like you are not alone. Flowers always cheer a room up, so does sweet smelling frankincense and lavender.

The Rite of Passage, the Journey to the Dark Recess of your Soul, is a long and arduous journey. It is not an easy one to bear. Be mindful.  Death is experienced by both the living and the dead! Yes there is sadness on both parts, but the departed Soul feels free to move on to the Light and to the next incarnation or wherever it is going – depending on one’s belief.  What is your belief?

So the question I ask you is, Who suffers most? The Living or the Dead?  Is Death for the Living or is it for the Dead?  Living on Earth we all have to go through some loss and we ourselves will one day die.  THAT IS THE ONLY CONSTANT THING ABOUT LIFE ON EARTH. WE ALL WILL DIE AT SOME POINT IN TIME. Do we journey towards Death or does Death journey towards Us?

The New Moon is a time of New Beginnings. The Dead have a new beginning. The Living have a new beginning and how they choose to live with the Death of a loved one is a choice we all one day have to make.  How will you re-birth yourself with the loss of your loved one?

There are many ways to deal with grief and loss.  Time, they say heals everything.  Some would agree with that and some would not. You see not everyone deals with grief in the same way. It can break up a couple, a marriage, a family or a business.  It can bring people together but I find this can be a challenge as people grief differently. Some go dancing and drinking. Others binge. Some go quiet and do not talk or express their feelings. Some simply bury themselves into their jobs and keep themselves busy – being too busy to grieve.  Some lock people and emotions out of their lives. Some take to obsessive addictive behaviour like taking drugs and drinking becoming drug addicts or drunks.

When you had to go through loss or grief, how did you deal with it? Did you go for therapy? Did you do exercise e.g. jog, yoga, dance classes?  Did you talk to a counsellor or to your friends – going on and on and on and on about the experience?  Did you start blaming everyone but yourself? Did you take any responsibility for your loss or pain? Did you reflect on life and death? Did you reflect on loss of an object vs. loss of a life?  Was there any difference in the grieving for you?

Sometimes we carry negative emotions such as guilt, shame, blame and anger as a badge of honour. We wear it with pride and keep regurgitating our pain and our  loss. We are stuck in the Wheel of Life – the wheel is moving on the same spot – like a record repeating itself. We may or may not realise it – but is like we are moving and then stop and we are back to where we started.  Like time keeps repeating itself and then like time stops. Is Death a loss of innocence then?

Grief and Loss are truly humane feelings that can consume us if we do not balance our emotions.  There are many ways to heal your loss and grief.  You can go have a massage, tap the pain out of your muscles with EFT, hold a crystal to help you, do mediations to relax and soothe your mind, listen to music that lifts your Spirit, light a candle and pray; as well as, book a session with me, Toks Coker, to help and support your process to create a quantum leap in your healing process.


The Tree of Life and the Tree of Death are two different types of Tress with different emotions and feelings – yet can be the same….

If you had to draw your Tree of Death what words would be on the leaves of the Tree of Death and Loss?

If you had to draw your Tree of Life what words would be on the leaves of the Tree of Life and Living?

What differences and similarities do you notice in both drawings?

How do these pictures make you feel? What emotions do they stir up?

Death and Loss are facts of Life.


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