Facing Death of a Parent

Facing Death is not an easy thing to do, whatever your age.  Today we discuss Facing Death of a loved one, such as a parent.  We enter the New Moon shedding the fear, pain and suffering of death. We strip ourselves away ready to seed something new, something wonderful, having learnt our lessons well. What new lessons will you have learnt by the New Moon in Libra?  Happy New Moon in Libra on 9 October.  A time for new things. A time to let go the ‘dead’ weight, to free yourself of heavy karma, which may have come about through death or loss.

Facing Death

Facing Death of anyone or anything is not an easy process or action. It is always a personal experience. Each person will react in a different way.  Facing the death of a parent is something new, if you have not experienced the death of a loved one or a parent before.  You are never ready for death, no matter how prepared you think you are.

Death takes you always by surprise. It is an almost paralysing emotion. Grief is so deep and can be long lasting and devastating. It can also lead to depression or even, in extreme situations, suicide.

Facing Your Mortality

There is the point where you first think about your own mortality, when someone dies. Usually, you are young, when this happens. There is the point when you think you are going to die. Then there is the actual time when you realise you are going to die. Then there is the time when you actually die. The time when you first came across your own mortality e.g. age 7 years, may be a long time to when you die e.g. age  77 years. So death tends to happen long after your first thought about your own mortality.


Always when there is a death, there is a burial. Usually before the burial there is the preparation for the funeral, which may happen immediately or months later.

The Moslems like to bury immediately, while Christians are not too fossed about burying immediately. In Nigeria, when a person dies, there is so much to prepare. The burial may take place a month or longer after actual death, so the body is kept in the morgue for a while.

New Seeding with the New Moon in Libra

As with all preparation, I invite you to a time to seed new things on 9 October, New Moon in Libra. With all the talk of death, we let go what no longer serves us. We honour, we revere and we respect. We gather in the land of the living, as opposed to the land of the dead. We acknowledge a time to contemplate and communicate with the silence of our mind and get the clarity we seek. We begin again, starting afresh. Join me:

  • Tuesday 9 October
  • Time of Meditation: 7:30pm (London)
  • Time of New Moon: 4:47am (London)
  • New Moon in Libra
  • Element – Air
  • There is so much to cover on the New Moon. Come join us.
  • Link – New Moon


My Father’s Funeral 

29 - Beheading of St John the Baptist

My father’s burial was over 3 days. He was laid in state and everyone came to see him. There was the ceremony and rituals performed around the country because he was a chief. A goat was killed and its blood spilled on the entrance of the driveway, before the

car carrying his coffin could drive into the house to park.

Lots of cows, chickens, goats, etc. were killed.  There were over 1000 people at the funeral, which was all day.  The service at the church was very long. The service after the church was also very long – by this I mean the prayers at the party celebrating his life. Then there was the dancing with the coffin.  The men carrying the coffin danced and danced and danced with him in his coffin. We followed behind dancing. Once he was buried we went to celebrate with an elaborate party. So in total we had two or three outfit changes. Very expensive funeral.

My father did not leave a will so all the 7 properties and land where taken by so called relatives and tenants. To fight would have meant death.  Charming. Nigeria can be aggressive and brutal.
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The Will
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Within a family or business, there is the concept of a Will. Was one left? Was one not left? If one was left, will it be contested? Will the family members fight for the inheritance, whatever it is? Will the death bring out war or peace within the family or organisation?

Some families fight each other for the will. Others do noting. Others play a waiting game. Others cannot be bothered.

One of the main things I have noticed is greed, anger and stupidity arise to the surface with death of a loved one.

Questions arise such as: Will I get what I feel I am due? Will he or she get more than me? Will I feel abandoned? Unloved? Unappreciated? Will I be laughed at? Will she / he get more than me?

Some people just want to make chaos with a death. It is not enough for them to sit still and allow the process. They will go to court. They will sue. They will make things hard.

Your View 

What is your view on death? What is your view on death by war, murder, rape, killing with intent, manslaughter? What is your view on death of a loved one? your mother? your father? your child? your baby? your sister? your brother?

Will you make sure you write your will by the end of this year? Will you take action now before you die suddenly? You see, we do not know the time we will die. Being ill does not guarantee death.

  • My mother was told she had 3 years to live after her cancer and has lived over 15 years, and is still alive. Thank God.
  • Patric’s mother was told she had 5 years to live after her brain tumour, and has also lived 20 years. We just buried her in Grenoble this week. I am writing from her study in her bungalow in Grenoble, France, with the Alps, the mountains surrounding us.  It has been an emotional week for everyone.


Death has a lot of triggers and a lot of emotions.

You have the negative emotions of sadness, grief, loss, depression, why me?, anger, rage, envy, separation, abandonment, jealously and more.

You have the silence and the blatant aggression around you. One person is silent and withdrawing, the other is loud and forceful. People react to death in different ways.

Whatever the trigger the pain is real to the person in pain. With a New Moon Meditation you call in peace and healing to soothe your pain and suffering. You ask for healing on a deep level that transcends the negative emotions and you get it.


There is the next part where there is the burial, the prayers, the ceremony and the tears. At a funeral you can always see the dynamics of the family in motion. You can observe and make judgement. However, I ask you to err on the side of caution. Would you like to be judged the way you are judging the people you are observing and judging? Is it fair?

It is very important to be respectful at a funeral and learn the costumes of the people burying their loved ones. In Nigeria we were bright colours to celebrate an old persons death. In the Jewish tradition I was told to wear black. I was so glad I asked before turning up in my bright colours!!!! How disrespectful that would have been for them.
Always ask the protocol for each funeral so you can show your reverence and respect for the departed Soul. Remember prayer is important on many levels. Asking for protection and blessings is a wonderful thing to do on a New Moon. Join us on the 9th October.
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Death and Forgiveness
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Death and Forgiveness go together. Do you know how? For example, someone dies and you have not forgiven them for what they did to you. Or they have not forgiven you for what you did to them. You may be overwhelmed with guilt, shame or worry. You may feel like you did not say thank you enough. You did not show appreciation. You may feel cheated by death. So many emotions are triggered with death.  Have you been able to forgive yourself or the person that died over……..?  This is a very important question to ask yourself.

In my 8 Weeks of Forgiveness, I covered the topic of Death and Forgiveness, in the second week. It was quite intense and deep. A lot of information is shared on the course.  If you want to learn more and get more information; then, please join us by clicking this link: 8-Weeks Forgiveness. You will find this is a very good investment in your life for shifting blockages and stuck energy.

We have done two weeks out of 8 weeks. Everything is recorded so you have not missed anything. Each topic stands on its own with reflective homework to do, it you want.

This course has started and already in the first two weeks we see massive results in the participants.




“Within 1 hour of finishing Week 1 of Toks’ Forgiveness Course, a job materialised for me! It was something which I very much needed and have been waiting for! Thank you Toks and Hands of Light  xx”

“During the first session of Toks’ Forgiveness Course, all of a sudden, layers of my awareness were lifting, one after the other – I could see what was going on underneath; I could see what my energy was saying and doing, it wasn’t nice to see but I needed to see it. I needed to see what was really going on and I realised how much I needed to do forgiveness. Also, by simply being a witness to myself, to what was happening, I could feel a transformation.”


“In the week between Week 1 and 2 of Toks’ Forgiveness Course, I have become so much more aware of my thoughts, words and actions; when my energy and thoughts think and act in a way that is not nice or respectful, I am more present to this. This has prompted me to keep reminding myself to keep doing forgiveness. It’s so important and it helps me to keep my energy light and positive instead of being negative and judgemental etc.”

“The day after the second session of the Forgiveness Course, I felt a lot lighter inside of myself and for my life. As I tuned into this feeling, I saw Toks waving incense in front of the screen, during the second session. I remember feeling its effect then, and I feel it now, even more so. It’s cleared away debris from inside me that was ready to go. Thank you Toks and Hands of Light xx”


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